韩二总桶年终总结官方版 作者:一笑欣然

经过一年艰苦卓绝的奋战,我们终于稳住了阵脚。挡住了以方舟子为首的一小撮网络黑社会,这个成绩是自萨达姆被专政,卡扎菲被镇压以来,同盟国取得的最大胜利。我们韩粉共和国没有因为这些革命而崩盘,这个成绩是来之不易的,我敦请各大公知,这场战役绝不是我们韩家一家的事,是关乎公知群体是否消亡的一场末日之战。

虽然一年来很辛苦也同时表明,只要功夫深,铁杵磨成绣花针是可能的。我不是通过坚韧的龟缩战术,把倒寒大军给拖的疲惫不堪吗?通过实践我们发现了倒寒大军短板,没有组织,没有纪律,他们不抱团。这就给我们留下了反击的空档,我们一定要反其道而行之。

关于《三虫门》的被质疑,我深表遗憾。一个作家被这样的质疑,在全现今世界都是没法自证的,就如石二蛋子大公知所说,你怀疑我是太监,我就非要脱了裤子给你看吗!这个是对我作为总桶的奇耻大辱,我是不是太监是我自己的事,他人无权过问。

有人指摘说《三虫门》是淫秽之作,这个我要解释一下。那本包天笑的《钏影楼回忆录》我绝对没看过,在座的各位也不是一次听我说过,我是不读书的。既然我不读书,就不可能知道有这本书的存在,这个栽赃也就不攻自破,更别提什么重门叠户的典故了。

还有人指责《三虫门》是我爹代笔的。这个更是可笑,我爹小君君虽然善于作文,但都是在凤姐推崇的故事会上发表,他曾用韩二这个名字发表过文字,但在我出道那年他就封笔了。我用总桶的名誉保证,他的文学梦已经遗传给我,没必要再写什么东西。

关于我不知道三虫门书名的含义,而我爹小君君知道,这个很正常。我举个例子,下蛋的母鸡不知道鸡蛋的味道,这个应该是常识吧?既然母鸡不知道鸡蛋的味道,我为什么非要知道三虫门的含义!

对于蒋主席被我拖累的问题我也做相应的说明,这个不关我的事。他比我还神,不会写字就出散文集。从这个层面是她拖累了我才对,没有她的横空出世,对于质疑问题应该不至于这么没完没了。是她一直挺着酥胸在挑逗质疑派的神经,而不像我实行堡垒战术。

所以我给蒋姑娘的建议是,像我一样的龟缩,绝对不回应。

对天涯高楼的回应是:这个违章建筑一定要拆除,我们已经派出拆迁队,实施强制拆迁。此楼存在一天,都会加速我韩粉共和国的崩溃。可以对我们来说是芒刺在背,一定要派出最有天分的间谍,使他变成豆腐渣工程,那样我们就有借口了。

对身高的质疑我的回应是:依据现在科学的进步,一个三岁的孩子都知道人早晨的身高与晚上的不同,作为一个没有脱离地球引力而存在的实体,在没变成尸体以前是绝对不能测量身高的。所以在我生前测量身高是没有意义的,进而得出结论,对身高的质疑是极不妥当的,是很不负责任的,是极其荒唐的,也是极不科学的。在这里点名批评以司马三忌为首的理科男,你们要多看看我出版的科普读物,增加一点科学常识。

在这里我还要感谢以,心里贱、李神童、肖锤子、罗装剽、约架奇人为首大公知,是他们的无私奉献,吸引了方舟子的注意力,使我在一年的质疑声浪里依然挺立。

还要感谢卧底在方舟子身边的仁人志士,没有他们韩粉共和国,挺不过这次危机。是他们用反间计使质疑大军分裂,虽然这种分裂维持的时间很短,但已经足够是我们恢复生机。他们发明的摘桃论与大旗论,已经重创了倒寒大军。就在我爹爹小君君的博客被技术男发现的被动下,顺利的解围脱困,功莫大焉。

最后要感谢我的爹,可以这么说,没有他就没有我。不管是从生理上还是心理上,都是他在默默的支持我,没有他的存在,也就没有我的今天。

就是将来有一天我躺下不再起来,你们也要继承我的衣钵,紧紧围绕在我爹小君君的身边,让他收你们为儿子,你们在认干爹后,一定记得为我讨还血债。

                                      发布时间为西方纪元玛雅最后一日

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