韩二代笔中的难解之谜 作者:深圳王二

  韩二被老方质疑代笔以来,简直成了万花筒,身上光怪陆离,乱花迷人眼。你说他高一就留级,依然七门功课挂红灯,却能一气呵成写出二十万字小说,这,你可以说他是天才;至于接受采访,尽管金夫人在旁压阵,还是一句完整的话都说不出,这,你可以说他智障。发生在他身上种种怪事,只要用天才或智障理论解释,你可以不信,但人家说得通。但有一件事,不管你用天才论或智障论,就算把两理论一起用,却连说都说不通。——韩二的《小破文章一篇》、《正常文章一篇》、《超常文章一篇》,到底谁写的?为叙述方便,以下统称《文三篇》。
  说下《文三篇》的质量:一个字,烂。其标题首先就烂到家,写下这题目,完全是文盲,手心就该吃板子。韩愈《答李翊书》,嵇康的《与山巨源绝交书》,一看人那题目,一股书香气扑面而来;冰心先生《寄小读者》、《再寄小读者》、《再三寄小读者》,也是清新自然。按说,这种针对性极强的应用文,题目最好写了,你照猫画虎,题目写成《回答方舟子博士若干问题》,文绉绉的多好?或写成书信格式,《寄方舟子博士》、《再寄方舟子博士》等等,这才是文化人干的事。韩二《文三篇》倒好,什么“正常文章”,“超常文章”,“小破文章”,明明以回复方舟子质疑为主,偏要突出什么鬼“文章”?这题目首先露怯,反映出作者对自己文章极不自信,此地无银三百两。老夫写帖,什么“独家”什么“技术帖”, 是为博眼球,提高点击量,用的题目也玄乎,可以韩二的人气,根本不需要,正经写就行。想不到他反着来,竟先用题目抽自己大耳光,既然这样,何必写《文三篇》献丑?连题目都写成这样,内容更甭提了,毫无文采可言,文中漏洞百出,吹嘘读什么《论法的精神》、《悲剧的诞生》、《二十四史》、《管锥编》云云,那你理解得了?那字认识不?哪有卖《二十四史》这本书?甚至许多句子都不通,倒是几句莫名其妙的粗口给人印象深刻,什么“我他妈的”,这是什么话?作者虽极力辩解气糊涂了,失了水准,可难以服人;后面说气消了,水平回升。其实《文三篇》一样水平,就是没水平。想像一下,方舟子看到这样的文章,岂不要把肚皮笑破?虽然老方言之凿凿韩二代笔,《三重门》、《杯中窥人》的作者不是韩二,但老方心里也明白,韩二在中国文坛摸爬滚打十三年,出了那么多书,怎么也能沾点文化气,想打倒他很难。想不到韩二写这种文章,证明自己是一头驴,十三年文化熏陶,原来春风过驴耳。而且是关键时刻,自曝其短,让老方如何不心花怒放,倒韩二勇气倍增,从那刻起,在老方眼里,韩二已是一条死鱼。
  《文三篇》质量说了,咱再说正事,《文三篇》作者到底是谁?不外乎三种可能:首先是韩人君,这是韩二的老牌代笔,文字功底相当深厚。平心而论,这坏东西比老夫博学,呵呵!有一次看老韩和网友互掐,博古通今,文采斐然,其脑电波气场尤其强劲,一边对着网友嬉笑怒骂一边却思接云天,一句“派深圳助产士去缝上你的臭嘴!”真是霸气,一众网友都抵挡不住,这厮内心阴暗,水平却有。以老夫看,韩一的水平远在陈村、方方之上,易中天、萧翰之流更得靠边,以他的功力却写成《文三篇》般的水平,不大可能。再结合文中内容,又是两千万悬赏,又是诅咒活不长,这都是老韩的大忌:人老有三宝,爱钱怕死瞌睡少。韩二请同学K歌,老韩都先去踩点,千叮咛万嘱咐韩二给每个小姐一百小费,断不可多给。让这种老吝啬鬼一下子拿两千万,只赔不赚,不要他老命?所以说《文三篇》韩一写的,绝无可能。
  其次,为韩二代笔者中某人,老夫读韩二博客,可以断定为韩二代笔者不止韩人君一人,那些博客绝不是一两个人的风格。韩二自己曾说过,朋友有其博客密码。老夫不妨大胆设想:某代笔者年前没拿到工钱,有意捣乱,发个烂文章,恶心下韩二。细想却不可能,第一篇博客是1月16日,第三篇是1月19日,三四天的时间,难道老韩家没有发现?当今通讯发达,老韩家耳目众多,那些文章一出来就暴红,占据新浪搜狐各大网站头条,细作一条短信,老韩家第一时间肯定知道,既然知道,就会采取对策。即使有一篇借韩二的名,不可能有第二篇,更不可能有三篇。事不过三嘛!从韩二的反应看,承认自己知道这文章。如果只是代笔者让其难堪,韩二只需站出来说密码被黑,该文章特别不是自己说的话,推得一干二净,再把密码改掉。韩二知道,等于韩一也知道,1月19日离过年还整整一周,韩一死到哪去了?以韩一的水平,看得出写得多烂,断不可让它挂在韩二名下。而实际情况是,韩二不但认下这些烂文章,随后还修改了N次。当然,修改这些文章,是韩二团队所为,韩二没这本事,至少病句全改了,骂娘的话也删了。这样看,决不是代笔所为。
  除以上两种可能,只有韩二亲自写。可这样的文章,让代笔写显得代笔者水平太低,韩人君作为韩二团队的总设计师,对该团队各方把关,他识货,这种水平压根进不了韩二团队,老韩家不是慈善堂,这货色在老韩手下肯定混不到饭吃。但让韩二写这样水平的文章出来,又太高看他了。以老夫看,虽然这《文三篇》写得烂,可韩二连这水平也没。老夫看了韩二写给石深海的信,笑喷了,那智障儿根本不能准确表达自己的简单想法,还有北京好大,这都是几十个字的事儿,也应对不了,如此水平,写出几千字的《文三篇》,也太天方夜谭了,特别不是他的话。客观说,韩二亲自写文章,既无能力,也无必要。想他当年用代笔,写出《文坛是个屁,谁都别装逼》,虽然流氓招数,只要结果,不管过程,但这招确实管用,骂得白烨陆天明直接关了博客了事,韩二也从代笔上尝到甜头,犯不着遇上方舟子,就要亲自写作。这个智障儿,自己几斤几两,心里其实明白得很,对方舟子,更是知道厉害,据说在挑衅老方之前,特意向罗永浩咨询,可见他对老方从战略战术上都是极重视的,遇到这么个打假从不失手的人,从没亲自写过文章的韩二哪来的自信,敢拿方舟子祭旗?从常理上说,这也不是韩二所写。
  韩二代笔已成定论,随着质疑派证据越来越多,越来越硬,发生在这智障身上的事,大都能还原出事实经过,可是,韩二这《文三篇》到底谁写的?老夫却百思不得其解。听说天涯网友智慧多多,韩二代笔中这个最大的谜题,老夫今儿把他单独列出来,放在天涯上,愿智慧的天涯网友能揭开谜底。

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