公知在微博 by @扫伪君

新浪微博的页面的格局,是和到处不同的:都是正中一个微博发布框,框里面可以随时写东西,发微博。无聊的人,傍午傍晚下了班,每每打开笔记本,看两眼微博,——这是两年前的事,现在都用了ipad,————无聊地刷着人生哲理,刷完了就躺下睡觉;倘肯多管点闲事,便可以转发些生活常识打发下时间。但是这些人,多半是做实事的,大抵没有那么多闲心思,只有那些饮食男女们,才在夜深人静的时候,打开私信,聊着些少儿不宣的风月话题。

我从刚入职起,就管理单位的官博。老板说,腾讯太土,网易太小众,怕没有多少宣传效果,那就在新浪注册个微博吧。新浪的微博,虽然没有那么冷清,但唠唠叨叨缠夹不清的僵尸粉也很不少。他们往往看见某个人发了条微博,就在底下发力加粉中奖等等无聊的信息:在这严重骚扰之下,要想心情愉快也很为难。所以过了几天,我又觉得新浪微博是在没有意思,教人活泼不得;只有公知上了线,我们才可以笑几声。

公知是既不聊风月也不做实事的唯一的人。他身材很高大,青白脸色,皱纹间时常夹些伤痕。戴着比瓶底还厚的镜片的眼镜,穿的虽然是西服,可是又脏又破,皱皱巴巴,似乎十多年没有洗,也没有熨。他对人说话,总是满口普世价值,叫人半懂不懂的。因为他自称公共知识分子,到人便从这半懂不懂的称呼里,管他取下个两个字,叫作公知。公知上线,所有刷微博的人就起来调戏他,有配才叫道"公知,你又被 打险了!"

他不回答,在发布框里面写道"今天堵车堵了半个个时,美国从来不堵,这一定是体制问题...便发了条微博。

他们又故意的高声嚷道,"你一定又造谣了!"公知睁大眼睛,回复说"你怎么这样凭空污人清白......"

"什么清白?我前天亲眼看见你说‘中共和日本签了八尺协定’被五毛轮番打险!"

公知便涨红了脸,额上的青筋条条绽出,回复争辩道,“被钓鱼不能算造谣...造谣!...民主的事,能算造谣么?”接连便是难懂的话,什么"普世价值"什么"民主"之 类,引得众人都哄笑起来:微博上充满了快活的空气。

听人家在私信里谈论,公知原来也单纯过,但终于没有逃学,又不会努力奋斗;于是愈过愈穷,弄到将要讨饭了幸而米国台湾那里缺人,便替人家发帖,换几枚美分。可惜他又有一样缺点,便是智商太低。做不到几天,便把一个个右右恶心成了五毛。如是几次,叫他发帖的人也没有了。公知没有法,便免不了偶然做些造谣的事。但他在微博里,脸皮却比别人都厚,就算是发了个造谣贴,被打脸打得不像个样子,但不出月,定然重新发一遍。

公知喝过半碗二锅头,涨红的脸色渐渐复了原,看了眼底下的回复,“公知,你当真长脑子了吗?”公知看着这条评论,显出不屑置辩的神气,他们便接着评论道,“你怎的连F16和歼十都分不清呢?”公知立刻显出颓唐不安模样,脸上笼上了层灰色,嘴里说些话,这回可是民主宪政之类,一些不懂了。在这时候,众人也都哄笑起来:微博内外内外充满了快活的空气。

在这些时候,我可以附和着笑的。而且别的人见了公知,也每每这样问他,引人发笑。公知自己知道不能和他们谈天,便只好向我说话。有回对我说道"你了解抗战的历史么?"我便只好点点头。他说,“了解啊,...我便考你一考。60年过去了,蒋公的抗战英勇事迹你了解多少?”我想,智商等于零的人,也配考我么?便不再理会。公知等了许久,很恳切的回复道,“不知道罢?...那么你教科书被洗脑了,我教给你,记着!这些事情应该记着。将来王师上岸的时候,带路套近乎的时候要用。”我暗想,台湾这群少爷兵离上岸的等级还很远呢,而且他们上岸我又不给他带路;又好笑,又不耐烦,懒赖的答他道,“谁要你教,不就是台儿庄战役,淞沪抗战嘛?”公知显出极高兴的样子,两个指头的长指甲敲着键盘,回复说,“对呀对呀!国军还在外蒙与苏联打了仗,你知道么?”我愈不耐烦了,拉黑了他走远。公知刚喝了杯速溶咖啡,想在晚上好好给我讲课,见我毫不热心,便又叹口气,显出极惋惜的样子。 

公知是这样的使人快活,可是没有他,别人也便这么过。

有一天,大约是中秋前的两三天,网友们忽然说,“公知长久没有发帖了!”我才也觉得他的确长久没有发帖了。一个人说道:“他怎么会来?...他被封号了。”我说,“哦!”“他总仍旧是造谣。这一回,是自己发昏,竟造到方舟子家里去了。方舟子的谣,是他能造的吗?”“后来怎么样?”“怎么样?先被网友揭发,后来是为舟子亲自打脸,打了大半夜。”“后来呢??”“后来被网友举报了。”“举报了怎样呢?”“怎样?...谁晓得?许是封号了。”大家也不再问,仍然做自己的事情。

自此以后,又长久没有看见公知。到了年关,大家问“公知跑到哪里去了呢?”到第二年的端午,又说“公知跑到哪里去了呢1?”到中秋可是没有说,再到年关也没有看见他了。

我到现在终于没有见——大约公知的确被封号了。

来源:http://s3.t.itc.cn/mblog/pic/201210_9_16/m_86227514083799962.jpg

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