和韩寒唠唠 by 四川一杀猪的

大侄子,虽然俺明知道这样称呼你对自己是个极大的侮辱,但谁叫俺与你叔叔同辈呢,总不能叫你孙子吧,那样就把辈份整乱了。

其实从你一开始被质疑以来,俺就密切关注着你的动向,比那些平时口头上说拼死也要挺你的东西们用心多了,其根本目的就是俺实在想知道你那被吹成神话般的文学天赋究竟是从哪儿冒出来的,这问题纠结了俺十几年,不好受呀,尤其是最近俺明显觉得自己因此而有点抑郁了。

说真的,在你刚被质疑的时候,俺坐在电脑旁边看你今天一篇小破文章,明天一篇非正常文章,今天豪赌2000万,明天直接上法院那气势时,俺心里总时充满纯度高达99%的自豪感,逢人就伸着大拇指说“韩寒咋样,厉害吧?俺大侄子”,那时俺真心相信你会如风卷残云般把那些不把病猫当老虎、不把草包当真神的质疑者痛击得落荒而逃。然而,后来你亲口承认悬赏是开个玩笑,打官司是你自己搭的桥时,你知道那一巴掌把你叔叔连带俺扇成啥样了吗?你叔叔脸皮厚外人倒看不出啥来,俺可是连续好几天不敢出去摆摊,偶尔一个问俺脸咋了,俺还只能说是不小心被猪踢了一蹄子。

再后来,当俺看到你说要拿作品说话,要让他们看到你羽翼的光芒时,俺又满怀希望地开始为你助阵,每天和你叔叔起三更睡半夜的上微博、逛论坛,面对网上那些铺天盖地的质问、质疑和嘲笑,拼命用俺俩仅有的撒泼耍赖之招为你挡刀枪、打掩护,为了让你安心地写出又一篇惊世骇俗的大作,俺与你叔叔不但一张老脸被扇得没个人形,而且从抑郁症患者直接发展成起得比鸡早、睡得比狗晚的老疯子。在俺俩孤身奋战的日日夜夜,你知道俺们最羡慕谁么?就是那一撒手啥也不管的老赵同志,大侄子,花天酒地的你,是无法体会俺们的感觉,有一次你叔叔实在忍不住了甚至骂到,早知道这样,还不如最开始就直接弄在墙上去。这你也别怪他狠心,毕竟那段时间给俺们的感觉真不是人过的日子。

没想到后来很长时间你依然憋不出半篇像样的文章,震动文坛的韩三篇居然被发现最先出现在你叔叔博客里,然后你高喊一句“后会无期”就开始落荒而逃,可你想过俺与你叔叔的感受么?虽然那些脑残粉们依然在光屁股裸奔的你身后高喊“韩少够威武、韩少跑得快”,可俺心里明白,那叫威武么,当时你那模样完全就像被扒光了毛的草鸡一样狼狈。话说,你跑就跑呗,可没想到过一阵子不知听了谁的唆使,你居然又回来开始拍电影。一听到这消息俺脑袋嗡的一下就大了,话说你连拍个照片都弄不懂该咋样取角度,拍电影那不明摆着是在浪费钱财么?幸好听说那钱自有冤大头承担,而且你也知道弄条秋裤罩在头上,要不然别人再问起片场上那傻里叭叽的小子是谁,你让俺老脸往哪搁?

如果你仅仅是拍电影也还罢了,没想到在片场无所事事的你,居然开始把自己的女儿弄出来让人调戏,听说别人还封你个“国民岳父”啥的,虽然国民二字俺不太明白是啥意思,但大侄子呀,岳父二字可千万别轻意答应。啥?开玩笑,你龟儿子蠢呀,谁特么的说这事可以拿来开玩笑的?那可关系到你女儿的声誉和前程,谁说可以这样开玩笑你让他把自己女儿拿出来试试。现在也许你还感觉不到这个玩笑带来的危害,试想等你女儿到了读书懂事的年龄,她那些同学整天嘻皮笑脸指着她说“嘿嘿,这是俺爹媳妇”,你让她情何以堪呀?

从当前的形势看来,质疑你的这帮子人短时间看来是不会罢休,你要作好一定的思想准备。在这过程中,你自黑可以,俺也看见了你一会儿说自己像条狗,一会儿又弄件T裇和羽绒裤套穿,一会儿翻出张人妖照,一会儿摆出个装逼型,这俺都可以理解成你在为宣传炒作电影不遗余力、不择手段的玩命之作,但你千万别自杀,因为俺这抑郁症还期望着哪天你东山再起之时给俺治好呢!

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韩骗子你可别做傻事自杀哟!那样,会使得无数无数的人失去乐子

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韩骗子你可别做傻事自杀哟!那样,会使得无数无数的人失去乐子,没了精神依靠,从而爆发大面积抑郁。你别十几年前骗人,十几年后眼睛一闭腿一蹬又犯下新的罪行。这些人可都是上有老下有小有家有口的哟。国家当下得有顶层设计——防患于未然哟,武警、防爆警察,城管、派出所、居委会、幼儿园,小区,齐抓共管,筑起一道钢铁长城。“鲁迅”不能走,天才的韩 2 不能走。你特别不能忍心丢下把你当心肝儿如破破的桥那样的钻到逻辑堆儿里陪你日日夜夜拿着杀威棒振臂高呼的那些韩粪哟。你脖子一抹完事儿,他们可是如丧考妣。千万,千万,千万。

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