改正归邪宣言 by 四川一杀猪的

前言——此绝非娱乐,请务必当真!
鉴于近日看到倒韩阵营日益强大、气势逼韩,再看挺韩派却是越来越多的人变得更加猥琐、更加惶恐,除了还有一群智商与年龄成反比增长的韩粉,还在不停地嘀咕着“你羡慕、你眼红、你构陷、你傻逼”之类的陈词滥调之外,那些曾经力挺韩寒的大挺们,几乎都疲软得像一根突然断水的消防带,导致韩家军完全没了几年前那种雄霸天下、攻城掠地的气势。
眼看双方力量出现了明显悬殊,正玩得兴起的杀猪匠在非常捉鸡之余突发奇想,准备倒戈挺韩、平衡左右。别看俺只是一藉藉无名之草根,有时一颗芝麻也能影响天平的倾斜度不是?这不,已经有韩粉来欢迎俺了。唉、唉,拥抱就算了,你们刚从粪坑钻出来洗都没洗谁受得了这种熊抱。何况,俺只说了挺韩,又没说要粉韩,别整得太热情容易让人误会好像俺也是韩粉似的。
套话少说,大家既然来了就请排排坐好,俺准备要宣个言。
“包皮们”,格老子,不好意思,以前叫顺口了一下子没改过来。重新来一遍哈!
长期粪斗在英明神武的韩寒身边的韩粉们:大家好!
看到你们还活着,本人甚觉欣慰,而且有不少居然还知道鼓掌,说明那些认为韩粉都是弱智的言论完全是造谣、是构陷,俺更觉欣慰!今天,俺冒着生命危险从那边飞奔过来,为啥呢?因为俺实在受不了他们对韩少毫不留情的批评揭露和不留余地的围追堵截,太没同情心了;尤其是他们还认为韩少根本不配文学天才这个称号,大家说,俺们承不承认?这就对了,虽然声音不够响亮,但俺还是听清楚了,作为韩粉,就要有韩少那种“捉奸在床也不承认”的胆量,就要有就算被戳穿也能将其深化成玩笑幽默的机灵,一句话,就要有死皮赖脸加不怕死的勇气。
在本人看来,韩少不但完全有资格胜任“文学天才”这个称号,而且如果认真考究,其实他在很多领域所默默作出的贡献,都不是一般人能够相提并论的。因此,俺认为:
韩少是个优秀的医药行家,据说他发明的“四两拔干片”已经走出国门、冲向世界,其惊人疗效主要体现在:只需服用一个疗程,就能把聪明的人弄残、把脑残的人弄死。一看就知道你们都没试过,要不然也不会活生生的坐在这里;
韩少是个具有非凡创造力的书法家,他发明的三笔同写的技法,至今无人敢试;
韩少是个名符其实的生物学家,他是全现今世界第一个发现人的身高早晚不同,并且可以随着车辆的颠簸而伸缩不定的规律,并为此提出“身高无法自证”的论断,至今无人破解;
韩少是个极富想象能力的造字大家,他所发明的“功号一贯”、“文人相亲”、“破着头发”、“奔奔跳跳”之类的新词,如今已广为普及,据说仓颉造字时尚闻鬼哭,可韩少造词时,连鬼都不敢哭,这是何等的神勇何等的威武。如此等等惊世骇俗的事迹,举不胜举。
总之一句话,跟着韩少混绝对没错,因为从现实情况看来,俺认为当年韩少当着全班同学说“松江二中只要他说自己文章第二,就没人敢称第一”的话太低调了,俺觉得韩少应该属于“在地球上凡是人干的事他都不屑去干,凡不是人干的事,只要他出马,其他任何东西都只有打工的份”。可在这种情况下,区区一个“文学天才”的称号,还居然有人说俺们韩少不配,大家说,这合理吗?这还有天理吗?这还是个让人活的世界吗?所以,俺们韩少一直宣称要操翻这个世道,俺认为是有绝对充足的理由、也有绝对胜任的能力的。
至于啥时候操,这就不是俺们这个层面有资格考虑和探讨的问题了,据说最近连心都操不出来,世道,就先让其多活几天吧!
总之,从今往后,俺就正式挺韩了,为了表达自己灰常鸡动的心情,俺提议,大家一起喊个口号为韩少助威加油好不好?一、二、三,预备起:
韩少千岁、千岁、千千岁!唉,不对,千岁那不成千年王八了。重新来过:
一、二、三,预备起:
韩少万岁、万岁、万万岁!唉,也不对,万岁那不成万年龟了。再来:
一、二、三、预备起:
韩少不死、不死、永远不死!
这下整巴适了,走,领工钱去!

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